The greatest sin I could commit, I comitted

It hit me last night.

I nearly ruined a friendship because I mistook feelings of affection for feelings of attraction. However, I didn't know this at the time. It's one of the worst sins you can commit in dating/relationships/friendships and I'll never commit it again.

The friendship I'm referring to is between me and christian girl. However, in my defense, she did have a crush on me (and admitted to me she wasn't gonna act on it).

This entire entry may piss her off, but since I doubt anyone except her, me, and a couple other characters know her, I'm not all that worried.

A brief overview:
I met her in English class. She liked me for my spontaneity and nigh-feigned confidence (I didn't really care what anyone thought of me at the time). I was very cruel to her, trying to drive her away. why? I was going through a break-up at the time and didn't want to drag her into it, since she knew my ex. She didn't seem to care about my cruelty, even though it got progressively worse.

Her feelings were reciprocated (for a time), until I realized that she was very conservative. I was going through a very apathetic stage in my life (I'm about to relapse into that, actually)

I always figured something was up with her (did she like me? I mused) but I decided to not think about it for a long time and spent most of my senior year avoiding the question, but still keeping her company. Hell, I even avoided prom because, as she was the only person I would've asked, I didn't want to put any stress on our friendship.

As I didn't buy a yearbook, she wrote me a letter. I'm not going to go into it, it just freaked me out and I really panicked. I didn't confront her about it for a long time. When I did, I didn't really handle it smoothly and that led to us essentially going into a trial separation.

The strange thing is, I have feelings for her. However, those feelings are strange platonic love (i.e caring about her, wanting what's best for her, all that good stuff) . I know she cares about me because she's acted as my confidant and did what she thought was best.

I know she's not interested and neither am I.

If this sounds as if it's written as an apology, it actually is. She'll eventually read this (I'm sure of it). The funny thing is, she's kept me out of a bunch of bad relationships I could've thrown myself into, by basically being there.